Making Mothers: A No-Fail Recipe

How did I get here? I feel like I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried. It’s all lead nowhere. Motherhood has literally been my only option for fulfillment because every other path in life I have set out on has been thwarted by the patriarchy. There has been literally no avenue open for me to be as big as I have wanted to be, as powerful as I could be, as successful as I have dreamt. So now I’m a fucking mother. You all pushed me into this, even those I expected more from because of your stated ideology, political stance or social position. You made me into a god damned mother. And yes, I am a fucking victim and not ashamed to say so. I thought it was my fault but it is not. I tried to be “more.” I could maybe have tried harder, but was discouraged beyond self-motivation. How humiliating. How depressing. How confusing. I have no idea how to reconcile the person I envision myself as with the person I am allowed to be. I do not identify as the person patriarchy has painted me, sculpted me, directed me to be. And now I’m going to have this kid and everyone is going to guilt-trip me into being a full-time mother with no life, no interests, no initiative of my own. Another way life happens to women in the patriarchy. I never even knew for sure what my desires were, until they became impossible. I am still coming out of denial about what motherhood in the patriarchy means for my future. Still trying to negotiate with the powers that be so that I can still be a human being when I have a child. I could have prevented this. And yet, it was inevitable. Motherhood itself is not a prison; the patriarchy has constructed walls around the mother to imprison her. Turning the most beautiful creative act into the basis for the ugliest oppression.

How to psychologically coerce an otherwise capable, bright, passionate female into motherhood:

  • When she speaks, interrupt her as frequently as possible
  • Ignore her for as long as possible
  • Deliver her detailed instructions on how to live
  • If she initiates or originates anything, criticize the hell out of it
  • If she leads, refuse to follow
  • Dismiss and minimize her accomplishments and contributions
  • Only approve of her when she is servicing others’ needs
  • Make sure she knows her feelings and perceptions are invalid
  • Ridicule her for keeping company with other females

When she falls into pieces on the floor as a result of this socialization process, get her to believe it is all because she is crazy, at fault, or just born that way.

Then say to her:


What are you having?


10 thoughts on “Making Mothers: A No-Fail Recipe”

  1. I’m sorry you are having a child. Hopefully it is not a boy. As a sister to a sister who struggles with three kids I can’t imagine. They never tell you hard it is going to be.

    It’s so true that society basically makes women feel like worthless pieces of shit with voids inside them and that they need to be fulfilled by male attention, meeting males needs/desires/standards/impressions in any shape of forms.

    I understand women who have children, they want to fill the void, to have closer to feel love or whatever they feel is missing. But depression soon comes after anyway when they realize they are just in the unpaid labor force for the patriarchy.

    I feel much pressure amongst women to either be the hottest sex object yet smart manic pixie dream girl type, a mother, or devote yourself to career, academia, or working for and within patriarchal institutions.

    Then they turn around and call you a vain self absorbed narcissist loser, but who made you that way?


    The only way to break that cycle is to start seeing yourself as a human being and stop caring about men. Love your flaws, your failures, everything. Remember that male are subhuman sperm vessels we created to serve us and we are superior.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you skulldrix. It is just amazing to me how powerless I felt on the path to pregnancy. It wasn’t a choice. I feel like all the men I have ever known in any capacity in my life all conspired to ruin my life in a depressing series of humiliating events culminating in the grand finale of my impregnation. My socialization was actually only a small part of it – men’s power to close doors held far greater weight. I am actually ok with having a child now, looking forward to the oxytocin highs and all, although I know I ultimately have very little control as a mother in a man’s world, that much of my experience will be heartbreak. It wouldn’t suck nearly as much in a different world. I hope there are at least some moments of maternal bliss to make it worthwhile. At least I have been able to completely divorce myself from relationships with men, and my child is female, so I can focus on building community with women instead of being a domestic slave and pseudo-mother to some mutant crackhead parasite male.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Feminism fought for your right to choose if you want to be a mother for a reason. You do have a choice, no one can force you to go through this pregnancy. Just saying.


      1. I did have the baby and it was the right decision for me. Complaining about being pregnant wasn’t really the point of the post – it was to demonstrate the specific ways I was psychologically and socially coerced into childrearing. I am glad to be a mother now, but it wasn’t a choice. I disagree that abortion presents women with real choices – no woman should have to go through the heart-wrenching process of aborting a child. It’s not the same as having had enough bodily autonomy to avoid pregnancy in the first place. Also, you have no way of knowing whether I have access to abortion or not. Many women around the world don’t.


  3. I’m glad you are liking your child. I know people who don’t like their children and it’s tragic. So, aside from rape, a woman has choices about who she allows inside her boundaries, which include her body. There are societies where women do not own their bodies, or even their children. I had the wonderful love to have been part of a matriarchal Goddess centered society when I conceived, carried, and birthed my child. I have also been raped, and aborted the resulting child. So I think I’ve lived a somewhat diverse feminist life. The point of this is to say that unless you are raped, you have the option of building your own boundaries against the patriarchy. I am in favor of avoiding the Male Factor when possible. Maybe in another millenium or two we will have worked it out. Blessings…..Laura


      1. Wow, that sounds terrific! Did you all live together? Is it a secret society? Like, within a larger patriarchal society? Are you still a part of that community? I’m so curious!


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