How did I get here? I feel like I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried. It’s all lead nowhere. Motherhood has literally been my only option for fulfillment because every other path in life I have set out on has been thwarted by the patriarchy. There has been literally no avenue open for me to be as big as I have wanted to be, as powerful as I could be, as successful as I have dreamt. So now I’m a fucking mother. You all pushed me into this, even those I expected more from because of your stated ideology, political stance or social position. You made me into a god damned mother. And yes, I am a fucking victim and not ashamed to say so. I thought it was my fault but it is not. I tried to be “more.” I could maybe have tried harder, but was discouraged beyond self-motivation. How humiliating. How depressing. How confusing. I have no idea how to reconcile the person I envision myself as with the person I am allowed to be. I do not identify as the person patriarchy has painted me, sculpted me, directed me to be. And now I’m going to have this kid and everyone is going to guilt-trip me into being a full-time mother with no life, no interests, no initiative of my own. Another way life happens to women in the patriarchy. I never even knew for sure what my desires were, until they became impossible. I am still coming out of denial about what motherhood in the patriarchy means for my future. Still trying to negotiate with the powers that be so that I can still be a human being when I have a child. I could have prevented this. And yet, it was inevitable. Motherhood itself is not a prison; the patriarchy has constructed walls around the mother to imprison her. Turning the most beautiful creative act into the basis for the ugliest oppression.
How to psychologically coerce an otherwise capable, bright, passionate female into motherhood:
- When she speaks, interrupt her as frequently as possible
- Ignore her for as long as possible
- Deliver her detailed instructions on how to live
- If she initiates or originates anything, criticize the hell out of it
- If she leads, refuse to follow
- Dismiss and minimize her accomplishments and contributions
- Only approve of her when she is servicing others’ needs
- Make sure she knows her feelings and perceptions are invalid
- Ridicule her for keeping company with other females
When she falls into pieces on the floor as a result of this socialization process, get her to believe it is all because she is crazy, at fault, or just born that way.
Then say to her:
What are you having?